Essay Prompt: You discovered you are good (or bad) at something but you weren’t supposed to be because of your sex: you are a man but you sure can knit a mean sweater, decorate a living room, write poetry, and make jewelry. You are a woman but you sure are good at deep-sea fishing, boxing, physics, working on your boyfriend’s car, and you can design a building in a single bound. How did this construct your identity as a woman or a man?
The early 2000s: cassettes on the floor, CDs in the car, and really big computer monitors and televisions. I was four years old, just discovering the world and its idiosyncrasies. Young, curious, and in the midst of exploration, I was eager to see what the world had to offer. I would consider my family very traditional — we had a father who provided a “pillar” of provision, discipline, and work ethic. We grew up with a wonderful mother who fit the typical cliché of “Light of the Home,” a pillar of our emotional quotient, nurturing, and affection. The father took care of the more “tough” and “logical” skills to teach us as children, such as how to handle a wrench, change a spare tire, and fix basic plumbing. Meanwhile, the mother took care of the more “emotional,” “spiritual,” and mental wisdom needed in this world, like how to deal with heartbreak, handle grief, and validate your own emotions. Growing up, I was very close to my mother. As much as I was raised to be “traditionally masculine,” wherein toughness and grit were always glorified, my mother always balanced it out with the need for the “softer” and more “feminine” side of oneself.
As I grew and explored the world in the years to come, I was very much “a boy.” I played with Hot Wheels, pro-wrestling action figures, and even had a favorite “sandok” 🇵🇭 that I would take to bed with me. I loved sports, watched basketball, and when I finally grew over 5'11", I became a varsity basketball player. I got rowdy, got into fights, and made a lot of stupid decisions. As the saying goes, “boys will be boys,” and I was very much part of that group targeted by the cliché. My traditionally masculine personality can be attributed to my upbringing in a traditional and old-school environment, where I spent more time learning skills and attributes from my father during my developmental years.
I have never really questioned my gender identity or sexual orientation; however, even with my traditionally masculine personality, I was never afraid to express anything labeled as “traditionally feminine.” Growing up close to a mother with a high emotional quotient, I was never afraid to cry and express vulnerability. The saying “you ——— like a girl” never made sense to me, as my mother was a strong role model for emotional intelligence. This is why I became fully open to appreciating more classically feminine endeavors like musical theatre, softer romantic films, expressions of emotions like poetry and monologues, and even having a decent knowledge of women’s fashion and makeup, despite being a traditionally masculine straight male. I love understanding emotions, having deep conversations, and exploring vulnerabilities and other psychological interests.
Now, as the essay prompt centers on “How did this construct affect your identity as a woman or a man?”, I say it impacted me very little. I never perceived that being a male with some feminine interests should make me rethink my identity. I was simply a male who was able to get in touch with his grittier and more rugged masculine side and his more feminine and emotionally strong side. The causation of which can be attributed to my traditional upbringing, where I found security in both sides of my humanity without wavering in my identity. Men can have more feminine traits too, and women can have more masculine traits as well.
Identity goes deeper and beyond just our traits.
College Essays